It All Started With A Mouse Tail: Chapter 11 is up! (edited 4/5/08)
It All Started With A Mouse Tail
Thanks to Runningflame for helping me with Chapter 7 and Rabbitfoot and Squirrelflame and Riddleheart for helping me with Chapter 8!!! :D:D:D
Before the mouse tail:
Check into the wild.
After the mousetail:
Leader:Bluestar- blue gray she-cat with a sparkley blue star plastered to her forehead. She likes cereal, but her favorite is Grape Nuts.
Deputy: Lionheart-Golden tom with a dark orange mane and a flaming tail. He listens to his radio all the time. His dream is to be one of those people that talk on the radio and give news.
Medicine cat: Spottedleaf- A pretty tortoiseshell she-cat with leaves as eyes. She loves Tigerclaw and earphones. She wears earphones on her head.
Tigerclaw- Orange tom with black stripes and paws the size of tiger paws. He was born in Switzerland.
Whitestorm- Big white tom with white blank eyes and a blue ears. He thinks he’s a robot.
Darkstripe- A dark tabby tom with a big black stripe on his back going up his tail. His nose is black too.
Longtail- A pale tabby tom with a reeeeeeeeeeeeally long tail that stretches 4 fox-lengths long. When he’s tired his sits on his springy tail like a seat. He likes noodles with substitute salt. He’s allergic to real salt.
Runningwind- Swift tabby tom that wasn’t that badly affected by the mouse tail as others. He is obsessed with Twolegs.
Willowpelt-A pale gray she-cat that likes trees. She loves trees. She also likes water….. And trees….
Mousefur- A brown she-cat that was affected by the most tail the most. She is very hyper and often gets hissy fits.
Dustpaw- A brown tom with a very dusty pelt. Even if he just fell n a river.
Sandpaw- A light ginger she-cat with a very large mouth and tiny eyes. She smells like horses. She will eat anything except for hair brushes. They taste like hair.
Firepaw- Ginger tom with red paws and a purple tail end. When he’s mad he explodes.
Ravenpaw- Pitch black fluffy fluffy fluffy fat fat fat tom with a really high pitched voice. He jumps at absolutely everything anywhere.
Graypaw- Gray cross-eyed tabby tom with a hill billy attitude. He loves horses. He thinks they smell like Sandpaw.
Frostfur- Pure white she-cat with a beautiful singer voice. She loves to sing opera.
Brindleface- A pretty tabby with no face. Instead, she talks out of her tail.
Goldenflower- A pretty golden she-cat with golden flowers growing out of her ears. She can get hyper.
Speckletail- A pale tabby with a dotted tail. She is very cranky and is gaga for shoes. Shoes are the thing!
Halftail- A dark tom with a long fluffy tail. He likes to swish his long fluffy tail in front of other cats’ faces. He believes he should be the president of America.
Smallear- A gray tom with Microscopic ears. They are there. But small. He can amazingly still hear.
Patchpelt- A small black and white tom. He has Runningflame’s behavior. He also enjoys arguing with Halftail and Smallear.
One-eye- Pale she-cat with three eyes. She can hear and see perfectly, and can fly.
Dappletail- A prettyful dapple she-cat. She acts like a 3 moon kit. She has laser eyes and does not enjoy fresh-kill raw.
Guests: Santa Claus(coming soon!): A Twoleg that wears blinding colored clothes and eats Whaaaa-a-a-a-a-ay too many cookies! Cat: Red tom with white ears, paws and tip of tail. Blue eyes.
Runningflame: Orange tom with green eyes. Loves math, and is very picky. (Just in the story)
A flame orange tom flopped down in the moss of his den. His friends, a gray tabby tom and an all black tom, sat beside him. The gray tom was holding three small mice for them all. He dropped them at his paws.
“Thanks, Graypaw.” the orange tom meowed taking a mouse gratefully.
“It was a rough day.” the black tom mewed also taking a mouse. So the three started on their mice.
“Hey Firepaw,” Graypaw meowed.
“I dare you to eat that mouse tail!” he challenged. Firepaw’s eyes widened.
“But those are gross!” he protested.
“No! Should I do it, Ravenpaw?” Firepaw meowed uncertainly.
“Yeah! Do it!” he meowed excitedly.
“All right…” Firepaw muttered. He closed his eyes and slurped down the mouse tail, trying not to gag. It was chewy… Suddenly, Firepaw felt like he was floating!
“Are you okay, Firepaw?” Graypaw meowed.
“You look… weird!” he hissed. Firepaw opened his eyes and looked up.
“Bananas.” he gurgled.
“What?!” Ravenpaw and Graypaw meowed.
“Rice crispies and cheeeeeeeeese.” Then Firepaw’s paws turned red and the tip of his tail turned purple! Ravenpaw and Graypaw stared at each other with shock.
“I’ve made him sick!” Graypaw yowled in shock. He put his paws on Firepaw’s flank. As his paws touched fur, Graypaw went cross-eyed and did a back flip.
“I FEEL LIKE A HORSEY HORSE!” he yowled. Ravenpaw jumped in shock, bumping Graypaw. Dizzy, Ravenpaw ran out of the den and yowled in horror, his last yowl he would ever make thinking normally.
Thunderclan streamed out of their dens to see what was wrong. Bluestar hopped onto the Highrock.
“Ravenpaw! What’s wrong?!” Goldenflower yowled frantically. Ravenpaw stared blankly back. He suddenly grew really fat and fluffy, with really long fur sticking straight out. Everyone gasped.
“What’s happening?!” Bluestar’s sharp yowl cut through the mess. Spottedleaf rushed forward to see what was wrong. As soon as her nose touched Ravenpaw, she turned around, with one eye twitching. No, her eyes were leaves! A pair of earphones were on her head.
“Rock and roll!” She yowled. That’s when ThunderClan totally freaked out. Everyone was screaming in horror, thinking the worst had come. Then Graypaw and Firepaw stomped out of the apprentices den singing the pi song. As cats rushed by, they brushed up against Firepaw, Ravenpaw, Graypaw, and Spottedleaf, turning crazy too.
After about 30 seconds, Bluestar was on the Highrock admiring a pretty blue star on her forehead while eating grape nuts. Lionheart was listening to the radio. Spottedleaf was licking Tigerclaw, who was an orange tom with black stripes. He had tiger paws. Everyone else was running in circles.
“All cats who blah, blah, blah… Blah. Come to the Highrock now!!!” Bluestar yowled. In one second Firepaw sat at the purple base of the Highrock, staring at Bluestar.
“The apprentices and warrior dens are un satisfactory! The elders den and nursery need to be painted orange! The medicine den needs tacos with bean sauce! Force the apprentices to paint the apprentices den blue with orange stars and pink hearts! GET MOVING!” Bluestar ordered. Firepaw scrambled eggs to his feet. Sandpaw and Dustpaw rolled on scooters toward the apprentices den.
“So… What now?” Graypaw wondered.
“I know! Lets disobey Bluestar and paint the den purple with green dots instead!” Ravenpaw meowed.
“Yeah!” Dustpaw agreed.
Firepaw brought out some paint brushes from behind a bush and some paint. Graypaw and Sandpaw started painting next to each other.
“You... Smell like horses!” Graypaw meowed to Sandpaw. Sandpaw fluttered her really tiny eyelashes on her really tiny eyes.
“Why thank you!” Sandpaw meowed with her big mouth.
“It’s nothing.” Graypaw meowed.
“GET TO WORK!” Yowled Bluestar from behind them. The apprentices started painting immediately. Bluestar snorted and trampled away.
“Nice wooooooooork!” Frostfur yowled in an opera singer voice.
“It is puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurple!!! That iiiiiiiis my favorite COLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!” she screeched.
“Oh hi Frostfur!” One-eye yowled as she flew over camp in circles.
“Hi Frostfur! Hi One-eye!” Dustpaw called and shook off some dust from his coat. It reappeared again. So he shook it off again. Then it reappeared again. One-eye hit a tree.
“I’ll save you, One-eye!” Brindleface yowled. She had no face. It was on the tip of her tail. Brindleface ran as fast as she could and leaped 2 whole inches into the air and got One-eye down.
“Hooray!” The kits in the nursery cheered.
“Uh-oh, here comes Bluestar!” Runningwind yowled.
“Dive for cover!!!!” Mousefur hissed. Bluestar stalked out of her den. Her face was red and there was steam coming out of her ears.
“I TOLD YOU TO GET MOOOOOVING!” She screamed so loud that Longtail had to wrap his long tail around her mouth. So she screamed even louder. Longtail gave up and ran away, whimpering. Just when they thought they would all become deaf, a cat stepped out of the shadows. Whitestorm!!!
“Waddya want?!” she snarled. Whitestorm just stared into her eyes, with his own blank white eyes.
“Oh, a staring contest, huh?” Bluestar stared back, without blinking. Warily, the apprentices got back to painting.
An hour later, all the dens were painted the colors Bluestar said not to paint, and she and Whitestorm were still staring. Mousefur decided to creep up on them.
“BOO!” she yowled. Bluestar nor Whitestorm flinched. Mousefur ran away crying.
“What’s wrong?” Willowpelt mewed from a tree. Mousefur looked up and cried more.
“Bluestar and Whitestorm are ignoring me!” she whined.
“And I lost my stash of fruity pebbles!” Willowpelt looked down at her.
“I can’t help you with Bluestar and Whitestorm, but I can with your…. Pebbles….” she rasped. Mousefur brightened up.
“R-really?????” she whispered. Willowpelt nodded.
“I’ll give you a hint to where they are. See that den over there?” she mewed. Mousefur nodded.
“That’s the warriors den. I’ve never been in there before. I like it in the TREEEEEEEES!!!” she yowled with her eyes bulging.
“But I can smellllalalallllll the fruity pebbles in your nest. They are there.” Mousefur gasped.
“Oh yeah now I remember! Thanks Willowpelt!” Mousefur skipped around in circles singing A tisket a tasket and bounced over to the warriors den.
Meanwhile, Tigerclaw was reading a book about Switzerland and Darkstripe was munching on some carrots in the shade.
“Hey Tigerclaw,” Darkstripe mewed.
“What?” Tigerclaw asked.
“Your stuck with that word forever unless you can get rid of it in five minutes!” Darkstripe laughed and ran away.
“Argh! Darkstripe you get your moldy nose back here!”
“No!” Darkstripe called back.
By the elders den, Firepaw, Graypaw, and Ravenpaw listened to the elders babble.
“I’m a princess!” Dappletail squealed with a pink tutu and slippers on. Ravenpaw gaped at her in awe.
“I am the president here, obey me.” Halftail screeched.
“No you aren’t, Dappletail is!” Patchpelt argued. Dappletail squeaked in delight.
“Yep! And I say you all dress up like my servants and bring me donuts!” she mewed in a kit voice.
“No!” the elders argued.
“I don’t wanna!” Smallear yowled. Dappletail’s eyes turned red and she shot a laser on the ground.
“OBEY ME OR DIEEE!” she hissed.
“No, I’m the president!” Halftail resisted and turned his head away.
“Okay!” Dappletail agreed.
“Being leader is boring anyway. I’m going to go be a princess again!”
Later, Goldenflower emerged out of the nursery and sniffed the air. The golden flowers growing out of her ears opened happily. Goldenflower delicately stepped over to the fresh-kill pile. Then she felt a burr on her pelt. She shook off the snarling Graypaw and chose a fresh glue bottle from the pile.
“Mmm my favorite!” she yowled. She tore into her glue bottle and started sucking up the glue.
“Hey what kind of glue is that?” Speckletail meowed as she raced by Goldenflower.
“It’s wood glue-the best kind!” she yowled back. Then Lionheart scooted out of the warriors den over to Goldenflower.
“That was brought in by Runningwind with the Dawn Patrol!” he growled.
“Oh. Where did he get it? Not that I care.” Goldenflower wondered.
“He stole it from a Twoleg! I’m gunna copy him nooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwww!” Lionheart screeched as he flew magically away. Goldenflower stared after him for the next five minutes in awe. Until she was broken out of her trance by another cat.
“Hey Goldilocks! Wanna play house with me?” Dappletail squeaked and rolled over in the dust like a kit.
“Sure.” Goldenflower meowed. They ran over to the painted blue, white and pink elders den and sat in a patch of purple moss.
“Wait! I wanna play!” Sandpaw hissed and stomped toward them.
“Me too!” yowled Spottedleaf and Mousefur.
“Me too! Me too! Me too!” Came the rest of the Clan.
“OH NO! BLUESTAR IS COMING!” Runningwind’s alarm call sounded once again.
Bluestar trampled out of her den, with her back arched. This time her face was yellow, and the steam was coming out of her eyes. Everyone cowered before her. She pushed through the group to get to Goldenflower and Dappletail.
“HOW DARE YOU DO THIS!?” She screamed.
“HOW DARE YOU PLAY HOUSE!!!.... Without me?” Bluestar started crying.
“Aw, it’s okay Bluestar, you can play too if you want to!” Dappletail patted Bluestar’s head reassuringly. Bluestar looked up at Dappletail.
“Ruh-really?” she mewed. Dappletail nodded.
“Okay then, I’ll be the mommy.” Goldenflower decided.
“I’ll be the princess.” Dappletail meowed.
“I’ll be the sister.” Bluestar agreed. Dappletail looked around.
“But what about the Clan?”
“They can watch.”
“Lets get started.” Dappletail mewed.
“Princess, sissy, time to get up!” Goldenflower called.
“Awww but I’m tired!” Bluestar whined.
“Blah blah blah blah!” Dappletail argued.
“Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah.” Goldenflower hissed.
“Blah! Blahblah!” growled Bluestar.
“BLAH!” Goldenflower screamed. “BLAH! BLAKY BLAKKY BLAK BLAH!” she folded her arms and raised an eyebrow. As they played, they never noticed the tomatoes the Clan were throwing at them.
“Two hours later, Firepaw sighed. I’m tired… he thought.
“I’m tired…”he mewed. He was tired from throwing tomatoes at the cats playing house. He was so jealous, they got to play house with Bluestar… Firepaw turned to Graypaw.
“Hey, wanna go hunting? I know a good spot to catch whales! Also peanut butter cookies!” Graypaw turned his head to stare at Firepaw.
“Cookies? AH LOVE COOKIES!” he yowled and ran out the entrance of camp with Firepaw following on fire paws.
“Just where are you going?” Speckletail’s cranky fierce meow stopped Firepaw and Graypaw short. Firepaw thought quickly. They were supposed to be throwing tomatoes at Bluestar… Speckletail narrowed her eyes and lifted an eyebrow.
“We were just going h-hunting!” Firepaw explained.
“Oh, okay. I’m going to buy some new shoes.” Speckletail squealed and ran away to Wal*mart. Firepaw sighed in relief, and ran to catch up with Graypaw who had impatiently waited for him 2 inches away.
“Naw, where aw those…” Graypaw started. His eye started to twitch.
“COOOKIES!!??!?!?!?” he finished. Ravenpaw squeaked and rolled out of his hiding spot in the bushes.
“You scarred meee to death!” he squeaked like a mouse.
“So?” Graypaw blinked. Firepaw stalked through the under under growth and murmured,
“Mouse hears you, rabbit feels you… No, Rabbit hears you and mouse feels you… Wait.. Ungh… But what about the bird? Bird….. Sees you… okay… And what about Michael Jackson? Bluestar never told how to catch Michael Jackson… Or cows…” Firepaw looked up to see Graypaw and Ravenpaw staring at him bewilderedly.
“Well, she didn’t!” Firepaw defended himself. The three cats set off on an adventure… The adventure of hunting!
“I’m SO tired!” Ravenpaw complained when they got to the Sandy Hollow, not too far from camp.
“I suppose we should stop here for now, to hunttttttt.” Firepaw looked up in the sky.
“Holy Star… Star… Oh yes, Holy Starclan! we’ve been gone for 15 whole minutes! I hope Bluestar hasn’t sent out a search party!” Firepaw hissed. Then they heard a rustle in the bushes. Out pounded Tigerclaw, Darkstripe, Whitestorm, and Longtail. Well, Tigerclaw pounded anyway…
“You naughty apprentices have been gone for 15 whole minutes! Do you realize that Bluestar has been searching the camp for you?! As soon as she realized there was 3 less cats throwing tomatoes she nearly had a heart attack!” Tigerclaw yowled. Firepaw looked up at Tigerclaw.
“You have bad breath, wanna mint?” Firepaw asked and held out a mint.
“Oh thanks, Firepaw!” Tigerclaw mewed in delight and swallowed it whole.
“Now, back to business, GET BACK TO CAAAAAMP!” he screeched. Firepaw, Ravenpaw, and Graypaw hung their tails low as they prodded back to camp. Uh, oh, there was Bluestar, mad again. Ravenpaw stopped rolling forward on his fat flubber abruptly.
“Watch out, it’s Blueystar!” he whispered uncertainly. Yep, she bristled at the entrance with her eyes popping out.
“You………” she rasped.
“HAVE WON!!!” she yowled happily. The apprentices looked at each other, confused.
“W-w-what did we w-win?” Graypaw asked.
“You three won the ‘Longest Period Out Of Camp’ trophy! No other cat is that brave! The record before was 13 minutes, by old Rosetail that’s not even mentioned in this book except for now and some battle that happens later!” Bluestar marveled.
“You three also get to come to the gathering!” Firepaw, Graypaw, and Ravenpaw gasped. Their first gathering! But wait a second…. Something wasn’t right… Firepaw was scared. Maybe the Clans would be different from them. He had heard scary elders stories about the other Clans and how they ate… mice and voles and rabbits and birds and fish! And how they did things so… normally! Firepaw was afraid that the other Clans would be boooooooring. Oh well.
“Hi thererererer!” Willowpelt startled them from a tree.
“Want some watermelon? I stole it from Sheila at Wands and Worlds!”
“Sure!” The four cats hopped up into the tree and started eating watermelon… that Willowpelt stole from Sheila. Then Graypaw turned to Firepaw.
“Ya know,” he whispered.
“When I eat to much watermelon before bed I wet the moss!” Firepaw and Graypaw started having a laughing fit that lasted for 5 minutes. Then they heard something else that disturbed them from their watermelon.
“WAAAAAAter melon is myyyyy FAAAAAAAVORITE………………FRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUIT!!!!!!!! IT is all… WATERYYY!!!!” Came Frostfur’s…uh… opera singing from below.
“Run! Run for cover! I’ll stay here and protect the watermelon!” Willowpelt yowled. Ravenpaw rolled out of the tree and back to camp. Firepaw flew back to camp. Graypaw hiccupped back to camp. Bluestar admired her pretty blue glittery star back to camp. Willowpelt ate the rest of the watermelon and laughed evilly.
“Whaaaat was thaaat?” Frostfur meowed almost normally.
“Uh, nothing! We, uh, just ran out of watermelon, so.. Er, Firepaw and Graypaw went to fetch… some more!” Willowpelt made up.
“Oh, okay, I’ll COOOOOOOOME back LAATER!!!!” Frostfur screeched.
Firepaw followed ThunderClan all over the world, and finally after 30 minutes, they arrived at Fourtrees. Bluestar abruptly stopped at the top of the ravine. She held her special teddy bear in her mouth. She turned around to the Clan.
“Nobody else is here yet! While we are waiting, lets play truth or dare!!” she whispered loudly. The Clan cheered quietly.
“Can I go first?” Lionheart hissed. “Huh? Huh?” Bluestar pointed at Lionheart.
“Yes, you go first Lionheart.” she mewed. Lionheart jumped 5 feet in the air and floated down with an umbrella.
“Yippee! Bluestar, truth or dare?” he challenged. Bluestar narrowed her eyes.
“Dare.” ThunderClan gasped. Lionheart meowed again.
“When the gathering starts, I dare you to jump on the Great Rock, and then pretend to get constipated! After that, light seven blue fireworks shaped like stars, and then hug Crookedstar!” Lionheart narrowed his eyes.
“You gonna do it?” Bluestar nodded.
“It’ll be easy.” she meowed.
Firepaw glanced at Graypaw and giggled. He couldn’t wait to see the look on Crookedstar’s face! And Bluestar constipated! His first gathering would be fun! Finally Bluestar turned back and hissed.
“RiverClan and ShadowClan are here! C’mon!” She flicked her blue tipped tail and Thunderclan poured into the clearing. Literally. Tigerclaw, somewhere in the front, happened to trip on his fat paws, and came tumbling down. The rest of ThunderClan tripped over Tigerclaw and followed. Only One-Eye made it down safely. She glided down with invisible wings and landed on top of Mousefur.
“Lollipops!” Mousefur screamed.
Firepaw walked over to a group of RiverClan apprentices.
“Hey isn’t that the kittypet, Firepaw?” one of them whispered.
“Kittypet? Did someone say kittypet? I LOVE KITTYPETS! AND TWOLEGS!” Runningwind shouted from far away. The RiverClan cats jumped, and stared at Firepaw. “What’s his problem?” a brown cat asked. Firepaw was panting with his tongue lolling out. One of the cats prodded him with her claw. Then she grew as big as a fox and meowed, “I am a mousey!” her friend gasped. “Silverpaw?!” When all the other Clans saw her they all panicked and screamed. Except for ThunderClan. They giggled and played checkers. Soon enough, all the other Clans had brushed against Silverpaw and spread it around.
Bluestar, Brokenstar, and Crookedstar hopped onto the Great Rock and started the gathering. Bluestar jumped forward.
"I'M CONSTIPATED! HEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!" she screamed. Then she made a grunting sound. After that she lit seven blue fireworks shaped like stars while she did the chicken dance and hugged Crookedstar. Crookedstar squealed and jumped back. All of a sudden Brokenstar shoved Bluestar away and laughed like a barbie doll.
“I will start the gathering!” he snarled. “Okay... Bluestar sighed. Brokenstar giggled and continued.
“ShadowClan had a quarrel with WindClan so we drove them out so we could have their territory and yadda yadda yah.” he droned. Then he stepped back. Crookedstar padded forward.
“RivahClan ah gree with ShadahClan. We well hont in WindyClan’s terrahtory too. Our rivah is full of fish, but RavahClan is a greedy, so we a will take WindyClan’s food.” he meowed. He was pushed aside by Bluestar.
“ThunderClan want WindClan back! StarClan-a-bob says there is supposed to be four Clans in the forest! Although I think they are just grumpy!” she yowled. “Naw way! We want WindyClan to stay Awwt!” Crookedstar hissed. Brokenstar nodded. “Yes, WindClan to stay out. Their delicious moorlands produce DONUTS!” Bluestar shrugged. “Whatever.”
Firepaw looked at Graypaw. “I like Crookedstar’s style! I’m going to copy him!” Graypaw exclaimed. Firepaw widened his eyes. “Oooooh coolio!” he mewed. “Haw’s thees? Ah lack this.” Graypaw meowed. Firepaw nodded approvingly and looked up at the Great Rock where the leaders were still squabbling.
“The gathering is over!” Bluestar screeched and leaped off the Great Rock and raced away, ThunderClan following.
When Lionheart returned, he was tired. But this chapter isn’t about Lionheart, it’s about the queens.
“I’m tired.” Speckletail complained. She was wearing her new sketchers. The slid off her paws and into her stack of 586 pairs of shoes in the corner.
“I KNOOWWWWW! I’m tired TOOOOOOO!” Frostfur sang in her sleep. Brindleface lay down beside Goldenflower, whose golden flowers in her ears closed and disappeared inside. But Frostfur was restless in her sleep. So she decided to show off her premium singing skills to the forest.
“ROCK AND ROLL!” Spottedleaf yowled next door. Frostfur slank out of the nursery and out to the forest. But she was stopped by a shadowy figure…
“EEEEEEEK!” Frostfur squealed. But is was really a bush. Frostfur kept walking until she came to a rock, a few meters from the entrance to camp. She leaped onto the rock and drew a deep breath.
“JIIIIIIINGLE BEEEELLLS. Jingle BELLLLLLS! JinGLEEE all the WAAAAAAY! BLAAHHHH BLAHHDYBLAHDY BLAHAAAHAAA BLAHBLAHBLAH BLAH BLAH YADDA! Blah!” she opera screeched. In the distance she heard a new noise…
“Hohoho! Merrrrrrrry Christmas!” Then she saw a big red Twoleg thing being pulled by big animals. The thing landed right next to her. Frostfur gasped.
“SANNNTAAA!” she yowled. Frostfur dashed forward and landed in Santa’s lap. Santa jerked. She had spread the mouse tail to him. He shrank down down down…. Into a cat! He was a big red tom with a white tipped tail and white paws and white ears.
“Hohoho!” he meowed. “I thought I heard singing!” he turned to Frostfur. “Was it you?”
“YeSSSSSSSSS! I am an OPEERRAAA SINGGERRRRRR! What brings YOUU HEREEE?” she asked. Santa looked both ways before crossing the street and said,
“Isn’t it Christmas?” he meowed, confused. Frostfur shooke her head. “Then why were you singing Christmas songs?”
“I WASSSSSS practinggggggg! He screeched.
“Oh. Well I brought you all presents, better not let them waste!” he turned and leaped onto his sleigh and dug into his bag with his paws.
“PRESENTTSSSS!” Frostfur yowled. Santa tossed her a small, long present. Frostfur squealed and opened it, and gasped.
“A MIIIcrophone! I’ve always WANTED one OF theSE! Now I can SHOWWWW OFFFFFF my skills EVENNNN LOUder!” she gasped and ran back into camp with her microphone.
“SANTAAAA’S HERE! SANTA’S HEEEEEEEEERE!” she yelled into it, waking everyone. The kits jumped out of the nursery singing.
“Santa’s here! Santa’s here!” they chirped. Santa padded into camp with his bag. He threw everyone presents. Bluestar leaped out of her den and caught one. She squeaked and found a new dolly play set.
Runningwind got his own Twoleg dolls. Firepaw got some red boots that can resist fire. Graypaw got some fake buckteeth and a pranker kit. Ravenpaw got a huge tank of Slim Fast. Goldenflower got a gallon of wood glue. Lionheart got a rock. Tigerclaw got a new book. “The How to Kill Redtail and Become Deputy and Kill Bluestar and Leave and Become Leader of ShadowClan Book.” All the warriors got one big master bedroom for the warriors den with a master bed. The elders got… whatever they wanted or else. Speckletail got a giant pair of shoes. The kits got candy and icecream, and their stockings filled. They had stole the stockings from Speckletail, who had given up on socks. The rest of the cats got their presents and Santa got out one more….
“I think you’ll like this one…” he murmured, and pulled out…. Runningflame?!
“Runningflame! Yaaaay!” Forestpelt screeched somewhere a few miles away. ThunderClan oooohed and awwwed.
“Hey! Put me down! I thought ThunderClan was just in an Erin Hunter book! Help!” he yelled. Then, the mouse tail struck him. He shrank down into an orange cat, looking like Firepaw.
“Oh dear, I must’ve calculated wrong.” he meowed.
The next day, Spottedleaf hummed to a 1960s song while she sorted deathberries.
“You’re the reason our kids our ugly, you’re the reason… (blah blah blah) But ah loooove ya anyway!” her radio boomed.
She looked up when Patchpelt entered the den.
“Spottedleaf, I ate a block of goat cheese and got a heart attack. Is that bad?” he meowed.
“It depends, did you get the cheese from the friendly alligator at Snakerocks, or the lady in the yellow polka dotted bikini?” she mewed.
“The lady in the yellow polka dotted bikini…” Patchpelt mumbled. Spottedleaf gasped.
“That cheese is poisonous, the yellow polka dotted bikini lady is a secret agent that works for Darth Vader, and you must avoid her at all costs. Even if it costs a block of cheese. Here, eat these deathberries, they will make you vomit out the poison goat cheese.” she explained.
“Wow, thanks, Spottedleaf, you’re so smart! S.M.R.T!” Patchpelt gasped as he ate the deathberries and ran away. Spottedleaf giggled and listened to the meow mix commercial.
“TWOLEG CAT FOOD! YUM!” Runningwind yowled. Spottedleaf turned around and ate a block of goat cheese, to keep up her strength and went out to borrow some snow boots from Brindleface. She didn’t want to get her paws dirty when she looked for water mint by the Twoleg sewer area…
“Muh huh huh.” she whispered and flew to the nursery.
Outside the medicine den, Runningflame was explaining to the kits how math worked.
“Well, you see, if there’s one mousey, and then another mousey, there’s two mouseys!!!” he told them.
“Woahhhh!” Swiftkit gasped. “So you mean, if I have 46 mouseys, and then I get 45,343 more, I’ll have 314 mouseys?” he asked. Runningflame nodded.
“Good, Swiftkit, you’re a good learner! You’ll make a good math cat!” he praised.
“What will we learn about next?” squeaked Cinderkit.
“I’m going to teach you how to be picky. Like me! Kittenkraze says so!” The kits stared at him in awe.
“I’ve always wanted to be picky!” Brackenkit whispered. Runningflame lead the kits over to the fresh kill pile.
“First,” he meowed. “You find a cat to be picky to. Like Graypaw. Lets go visit him.” the kits squealed and bungi jumped after him.
Hoy Runninflamible oil!” Graypaw purred.
“It’s ‘hey‘, not ‘hoy‘, and my name’s Runningflame.” Runningflame growled.
“Aw whatevah, Runninflamible gas.” Graypaw slurred.
“It’s ‘oh‘, not ‘aw‘.” Runningflame corrected. Graypaw glared at Runningflame.
“This is meh new theme. A’m nawt changin it!” he hissed.
“It’s ‘me’, not ‘meh’. Runningflame mused. Graypaw hissed and took a bite out of Johnny Appleseed, then turned around and stalked away. Runningflame turned back to the kits.
“And that’s how you be picky.” he explained. The kit’s ‘oozed’ and ‘awed’ as Runningflame walked away like Kelly Clarkson to the warriors den for the night.
As Runningflame settled into his nest, (a cardboard box,) he munched on a pickle. A nice big green juicy one. It was green because it was moldy. Then he heard Bluestar’s angry scream from outside. So he stalked out of the den with the box on his head. He looked like a weirdo thing.
Once the whole Clan was seated by the Highrock, ( a soda vending machine) Bluestar glared at Brindleface for no reason.
“We have gathered here to give Santa his warrior name. From this day forward Santa will be named, *drum roll* Sandyclaws! Okay yadda yadda yah be sure to serve this Clan well and blah hah yah. And be sure to bring Dappletail donuts every Friday or she’ll explode, You may go now.” Bluestar tumbled down the vending machine and landed on top of her ‘Cabbage Patch kids’.
Sandyclaws went around proudly and made dirt on the place where Firepaw buried his collar.
“I AM A BANANA!” he screeched. “HOHOHOHO!”
“Yeah whatever.” Darkstripe sneered as he brushed past.
“Hey tomato dude, whatcha doin?” Longtail jeered. Sandyclaws sniffed his dirt and started to lick it.
“Mmm… chocolate.” he murmured. Runningflame had walked by, and stopped to watch.
“Eww.” he said. Then he got out his new Dslite and played Pokemon. “Wait a second… I don’t have a DS and I don’t like Pokemon!” he hissed wide eyed. “WARNING! BRAIN ERROR!” Runningflame screeched and fell to the ground and twitched.
“Haha!” called Kittenkraze from Antarctica. That’s when Whitestorm popped in.
“AH. E. LAK. MEAT. BALL. S.” he said. Runningflame jumped up wide eyed.
“Wait what kind of meat balls?” he asked cautiously.
“SPAG. GET. TI. MEAT. BALLS.” Whitestorm said.
“Gah! I HATE meat balls in my spaghetti! I prefer SAUCE!” Runningflame fell over and started twitching again.
“Moooooo.” Ravenpaw squeaked.
Longtail woke up from his long sleep. He rolled over to face Mousefur.
“Mousefur…” he whispered. “I love you…” Mousefur opened one eye and yawned.
“Stupid furball…” she murmured and fell back asleep. Longtail stared at her for a while and got up to go outside.
Wait… he thought. That was too normal!! Noooo! Panic stricken, he raced toward the fresh kill pile and picked out his special moldy mouse from last year. This… This will bring me back in time so I can stop the normal-ness! He thought and bit down hard. Then he found himself in the warriors den again, watching himself sleep. Ohhhhh. When the sleeping Longtail woke and gazed at Mousefur, he sprang forth.
“Mreeoweeeakkkkkcoughcoughcough!” he screeched. The sleepy Longtail sprang up, with wide eyes.
“W-w-w-w-what?! Oh! It’s you, future Longtail! What was going to happen this time?” he meowed as he slowly calmed down.
“You were going to say, ‘I love you’ to Mousefur!” Past Longtail looked confused.
“So? Does she get mad at me or something?” Future Longtail shook his head.
“No, she doesn’t care, something way worse happens. Everything turned out….. Normal! Oh, the normalness of it! Ahhhh!” Future Longtail shuddered. Past Longtail widened his eyes.
“Really?! Wow! I’ve saved myself again! That was close! Normalness can result in boringness!” he started gasping fastly, until Future Longtail stuck his long tail in Past Longtail’s mouth.
“Mmmph!” Past Longtail mmmphed.
“Alright, I have to goooooo!” Future Longtail yowled as he flew to the future again somehow. Past Mousefur raised her head and watched the last of Future Longtail disappear.
“Wow… I love him…” she murmured and fell back asleep.
That next day, Mousefur got up, remembering a strange dream about being trapped in a room with nobody but Nancy Drew.
Already the camp was bustling. Brackenkit was flying around in his new model plane he got for his four moon birthday. Dappletail was arguing with Patchpelt. Bluestar was putting on her shiny ocean blue lipstick. Willowpelt was crouched in a tree munching on another of Sheila’s watermelons.
“What? She left them laying around on the table!” Willowpelt growled to nobody.
Mousefur headed over to see her little friend, Cinderkit, who was tossing leaves in the air and catching them by curling her tail.
“Impressive,” Mousefur meowed. “When I was a kit I would catch them in my mouth… But then I would choke on them and swallow them.” Cinderkit giggled and caught a maple leaf falling from a yellowing tree.
“Hey Cinderkit…” Mousefur meowed just as she thought of something.
“Hm?” Cinderkit wondered and stopped catching leaves.
“What would you do if Forestpelt got writers block?” she asked. Cinderkit thought for a moment.
“I would…………. Go to the movies!!!” she screeched.
“Good idea!” Mousefur yowled.
“Good idea! Idea! Idea dea-dea!” The Clan chanted in a song.
“Gooooood idea! Idea! Idea -dea-de-de-de-deaaaaaaAHHHHHHHHawwwwuuhhhhh….” ThunderClan fell silent as Frostfur started to opera sing.
“OooooohhhhhhhOOOOOOOOOOOOH! GOOOOOD! I!!! DEEEEE! UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”
“I-dea-dea-deeee….” the Clan finished.
“Wow that was good!” Willowpelt called from her tree.
“OH NO! BLUESTAR’S COMING!” Runningflame warned. This time Bluestar was sooooo mad, he eyes were popping out and her ears had steam coming out, and her eyes were red, aaaand, she was shooting laser beams out of her eyes. And her blue stripes were glowing red.
“YOU KNOW I HATE MUSICALS!” she screamed, blowing her minty fresh breath in ThunderClans’ face.
“idjfksldjfdkfkjdfkdsjlfjd!!! BLAHBLAHBLAH! Why do you keep abusing me! Am I not a good enough leader?” Bluestar started to cry again and stomped back to her den. Spottedleaf raced after her, worriedly.
“Bluestar, you’re a very good leader, and---” but Spottedleaf was cut off by Bluestar.
“No I’m not! I have anger issues! I---” but Bluestar was cut off too, by a poof of pink smoke by the entrance of the leader’s den.
“Future Longtail!” They both gasped at once. Future Longtail was beaten up, scratched bitten, and a black eye.
“You see what results in normal conversations?!” he hissed.
“I’ve warned you before, normal conversations bring terrible boredness to ThunderClan! You want to know what happened?! Your normal conversations are messing with the wheel of time! You made us normal again! No more shiny Blue star of your forehead, Bluestar!” Longtail started to gasp as he turned to Bluestar.
“And One-eye thought she could still fly and jumped off a cliff! And Willowpelt forgot where Sheila’s house was! You see? No more normal conversations, please!” Longtail hissed and disappeared into his pink smoke cloud.
“Wow… I love him…” Mousefur yowled from outside.
The next day, as Mousefur predicted, Forestpelt got Writers Block. So they all went to the movies! Runningflame knew it would be a disaster, but nobody listened to him.
“Yaaaaaay!” the kits screamed. ThunderClan had knocked out all the Theatre Twolegs cold, and taped off the entrance. Now they were in the lobby, deciding which movie to watch.
“Lets watch Superman!” Graypaw yowled.
“No, lets watch Harry Potter 5! No! Thomas the Tank Engine! No! Pokemon!” The Clan chanted.
“Nooooo! Lets make our own movie!” Tigerclaw suggested. Everyone fell silent and stared at Tigerclaw.
“Good idea!” Darkstripe yowled.
“Idea! Idea! Idea-dea-dea!” The Clan chanted.
“DON’T START THAT AGAIN!” Bluestar screeched. ThunderClan fell silent again.
“Lets do it!” yelled Rachel from Animorphs.
“You’re not in this Clan!” Lionheart yowled. “Hey wait, I thought we made the entrance Twoleg proof?!” Lionheart put on a frowny face as he turned to Bluestar. But Bluestar ignored Lionheart and Rachel.
“I like the idea, lets get the cameras. Spottedleaf?” Spottedleaf bounded forward with the camera supplies and set them up.
“What shalllllllllah the Puh-LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT be?” Frostfur asked.
“The plot? Oh, I wasn’t planning much. Only Tigerclaw taking over the world with his alleys Darkstripe and Longtail and Dustpaw and Moonglow.” Bluestar explained. “Then, Firepaw and Graypaw would defeat them with the help of the Clan and be heroes!”
“I like it!” Tigerclaw yowled.
“Naturally…” Ravenpaw muttered.
“What about me?” Runningflame meowed.
“Or me?” asked Sandyclaws.
“Runningflame you can be the wise old cat that gives Firepaw the picky prophecy of coming DOOM! Santa you can be the camera man.” Bluestar ordered. Everyone set to work, setting up props and practicing their roles with a buddy. After an hour, they had to give the awakening theatre staff sleep shots, and a minute later, they were ready!
Firepaw: Hi, I am Firepaw. I am a normal cat.
Graypaw: I am Graypaw, Firepaw’s best friend.
Firepaw: Hey Graypaw, lets go get something to eat.
Firepaw: Did I mention that we’re perfectly normal?
[flash to fresh-kill pile]
Firepaw: Yummy yummy, I love mice.
Graypaw: Me too.
Firepaw: *whispers* Hey when is it going to flash to Tigerclaw?
Graypaw: *irritated* Quiet! The camera’s rolling!
Firepaw: Uh, sorry ‘bout that! Yum, I want another mouse!
Ravenpaw: Don’t! You’ll get fat like me!
[flash to Tigerclaw, on top of mountain]
Tigerclaw: Mua ha ha ha! Soon I will rule the WORLD!
Tigerclaw: Me, and my Clan, TigerClan!
Darkstripe: Hi I’m the deputy!
Tigerclaw: Silence! *embarrassed look* Well so what, I only have five cats, but it will soon GROW!
Moonglow: I love you, Tigerclaw!
Longtail: Hey where’d Moonglow com from?
Moonglow: Wands and Worlds, DUH.
Dustpaw: Oh, you mean where Willowpelt gets her watermelons?
Tigerclaw: SILENCE! We have work to do!
Darkstripe: Shall I go gather ShadowClan, master?
Tigerclaw: Yes, have Dustpaw go with you.
[Darkstripe and Dustpaw jump of the mountain and off to ShadowClan.]
Longtail: What now, Tigerclaw?
Tigerclaw: From now on, call me Tigerstar!
Longtail: Okay, what now, Tigerstar?
Tigerstar: Lets get lunch, I’m starving!
Moonglow: *belly rumbles* Meh.
[TigerClan go to Taco Bell and get lunch, as the scene flashes back to the forest, where Firepaw and Graypaw are on a patrol.]
Firepaw: I smell evilness.
Graypaw: Me too.
Firepaw: It smells like Tigerstar. They must be heading to Taco Bell.
Graypaw: Oh no.
Firepaw and Graypaw: Ah!
Moonglow: Me and Tigerstar will take over that world!!!
Tigerstar: Moonglow, didn’t I tell you not to cause any trouble yet? C’mon, lets go get some BURRITOS!
Moonglow: *squeals like a fan girl and skips after Tigerstar.*
Tigerstar: But do not worry, fools, we’ll be baaaack!
[flash to Taco Bell]
[flash to ThunderClan camp]
(Firepaw and Graypaw are back from patrol, and are ‘talking’ with their mentors)
Bluestar: What do you mean you saw Tigerstar?!
Lionheart: Everyone knows Tigerstar is an elders tale for kits!
Firepaw: But Tigerstar is going to attack tomorrow. He said he’d be back.
Graypaw: Hey, my name starts with a color, just like you Bluestar!
Bluestar: *ignores Graypaw* Whatever! I forgot what we were talking about, so, just go get yourself a nice, tasty thrush and bring it to the elders. *chuckles* I might come along, it’s fun to watch them fight to the death!
Firepaw: Okay, good night Bluestar!
Bluestar: Get off my lawn you crazy kids!
[flash to elders den.]
Director: Cut! Cut! We’re supposed to go to the apprentices den!
One-eye: Whaaat?! Cheapskate…
[flash to apprentices den]
Firepaw: Good night, Graypaw.
Graypaw: Good night, Firepaw.
Firepaw: Good night moon.
Moon: *in Barney voice* Good night, Firepaw.
Firepaw: Good night Sandpaw.
Sandpaw: *screeches* THE MAFIA ARE COMING!
Firepaw: *falls asleep*
[flash to Firepaw’s dream]
Firepaw: Whoa, where am I? I’ve never seen this place before!
Smallear: Firepaw, your in the elders den.
Firepaw: Oh hi, Smallear! Wait, your not dead!
Smallear: *grouchy* Of course not, StarClan gave me the powers to enter dreams.
Firepaw: Oh. *burps*
Smallear: I have a sign from StarClan for YOU!
Firepaw: Oh what did they say? Did they say I would gain 10 pounds tomorrow? Because that’s very likely.
Smallear: Actually, it’s not me that gives you the sign, it’s Runningflame!
[Dun dun dun!]
Runningflame: *steps out of clouds* Blah bah gah. You Firepaw and Graypaw will save the world from Tigerbutt and his evil companions.
Firepaw: Wow, really?
Runningflame: Yeah. Listen, I gotta go, okay? Buh-bye!
Firepaw: Where yah going?
Runningflame: The bathroom! I have to go BAD!
Firepaw: … Buh-bye!
[fades into Tigerstar’s secret hide-out.]
Tigerstar: Okay, now that we have ShadowClan rounded up, and BloodClan, and all the rogues in the Twoleg place, and all the evil kittypets, we can start taking over the world.
[cheers from cats]
Darkstripe: Can we go now, Tigerstar? I’ve always wanted to taste Sandpaw! I heard she tastes like horses.
Tigerstar: Yes, lets go now.
Tigerstar: Stop that!
Tigerstar: Whatever lets go.
[flash to forest, where Lionheart, Bluestar, Graypaw, and Firepaw are on a patrol]
Firepaw: I smell evilness.
Graypaw: Me too.
Bluestar: I smell burrito breath.
Lionheart: Lets go back to camp.
[flash to camp]
Firepaw: I still smell evilness.
Graypaw: Me too.
ThunderClan: Me too-oo! Me too-oo! Me too-oo oo-oo oo-oo! Meeee-ee too-oo-ooooooooo-OOOOO!
Frostfur: Is THIIIIIIIIS myyyyy part? OH yeah, ….MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OHHHHHHHHHHHH EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OHHHHHHHHHH TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
ThunderClan: Dun-duh dun duh duh dun, DUN!
Brindleface: You know that’s really starting to get lame…
Goldenflower: Tell me about it…
Tigerstar: All right! You shall all surrender or we will throw our slushies at you!
Director: CUT! *glares at Tigerclaw* No slushies, Tigerclaw. Slushies don’t hurt. Throw pebbles or something.
Tigerstar: [whines] But I like slushies!
Director: Tigerstar… NO.
Tigerstar: [sulks] Fine.
Tigerstar: You shall all surrender or we will CLAW you!
Firepaw: Never! We will never surrender!
Graypaw: Um… yeah! I agree!
Director: Okay, Tigerstar, you have to claw them now.
Firepaw: [gasps] Don’t I get a stunt double?
Director: No, we don’t have that kind of a budget. [to Tigerstar] Go ahead, claw him already! You’re evil, remember?
Firepaw: [raises eyebrow] [eats director]
Firepaw: [grins] There… that’s better!
Graypaw: [impressed] And I thought I was the big eater…
Tigerstar: Can I throw my slushies now?
Firepaw: [shrugs] If you like…
Tigerstar: But first… Meet TIGAHCLAN!
[All of TigerClan jump out of the bushes]
Tigerstar: Go, my perfect TigerClan, throw the SLUSHIES!
[TigerClan throw slushies at ThunderClan]
Firepaw: *gets hit in mouth with a strawberry flavored slushie.* NOOOOO! I’m allergic to strawberry! *faints*
[fade into Firepaw’s dream, leaving battle outside]
Magicyop: Welcome Firepaw. I am a mad scientist. How are you? Tea? Cookies?
Firepaw: Do you have pickles?
Firepaw: Yummy yummy yummy, there’s a strawberry flavored slushie in my tummy!
Magicyop: Raggle Fraggle!
Firepaw: Wah! [barfs]
Magicyop: Now there isn’t!
Firepaw: Dung… So… why did you bring me here?
Magicyop: Go back to ThunderClan, and repeat these exact words: ‘ Volem, Volem, Sakra, TigerClan!’
[flash to battle]
Firepaw: Volem, Volem, Sakra, TigerClan!
Tigerstar: We’ll be baaaaaaaaack!
Runningwind: Oh no, Bluestar’s coming!
Bluestar: [glaring at Firepaw] WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THEY WOULD ATTACK?!?!?!
Firepaw: I did!
Bluestar: Ooooooh yeah….
Sandpaw: [wailing] One of the cats said I tasted like horses!
Kits: They took our candy!
Elders: We cowardly hid in our den!
Bluestar: Me too!
Queens: Us three!
Whitestorm: Suh-M-wun. Hit. Meee. In. The. Face. With. A. turtle.
Firepaw: [whispers] Are we done yet?
Graypaw: No, we’re supposed to have a party, remember?
Firepaw: Oooh yeah…
[flash to Bluestar]
Bluestar: Lets party!
Lionheart: [puts on party music]
Music: Dunnuh dunnuh dunnuh dunnuh dunneh dun-duh!
[candy falls from sky as cats dance]
Firepaw: [turns to camera] The! End!
End of Movie!
When finally, ThunderClan were completed with their movie, they tested it in the movie room. It worked, and was even in color! Tigerclaw and Darkstripe cheered every time they showed up, and sulked when they were banished with Firepaw’s spell.
“That was the best movie, I’ve ever seen!” Brindleface remarked.
“It was the only one you’ve ever seen…” Goldenflower corrected. “We should go see another one, tomorrow!”
“I ahhhhhhhGREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” Frostfur nodded. The queens stayed in a group the whole way back to camp.
“What should we do now?” an elder asked. Brindleface pointed her tail up, so she could see the sky.
“It’s almost midnight, lets---” but Brindleface was cut off by another cat.
“PARTY!” Dustpaw screeched. ThunderClan cheered, as Lionheart and Spottedleaf got our their radios, with loudspeakers. Even Brindleface was satisfied by the idea. She got out her special whistle, and blew it as hard as she could. It was so high pitched, only the waffles could hear it.
Not two seconds had passed before a football stadium load of waffles danced through camp.
“Hey, they’re VOLE flavor, eat-em!” the kits squealed. But Ravenpaw had already figured that out, and was stuffing himself. He was now the size of a camper, and he had to make himself another den.
“Great StarClan!” screamed Sandyclaws. “I love that CD!” he screeched and pointed at Lionheart, who was do-si-do-ing through the waffles with Spottedleaf.
“Thhiiiiis IISSssss so FUNNN!!!” Frostfur rawred, swaying lopsidedly, and sometimes wacking into trees.
“Purple Bunnies!” Firepaw yawned. “I’m booored.” he looked around at the chaos is camp, and suddenly yelled,
“STOP!” Everyone froze in place, and their eyes turned to Firepaw.
“Lets go make pie!” Sandpaw suggested. The Clan cheers.
“Yes, making pie is a very logical thing to do… Especially since math is involved when serving!” Runningflame grinned. Everyone stared at him blankly. Runningflame opened his mouth to explain, but a 198 pound anvil fell on his head.
“Yaaay!” everyone cheered.
“What should we do now?” someone called.
“We need to have a poll of what to do!”
“Okay!” soon Bluestar got in her half moon glasses and was reading the choices to a poll, on a paper that he had made by making dirt, and flattening it out. Bluestar had now developed a British accent.
“Number one. Go make pie!” The Clan cheered to this one. Runningflame twitched in the background. “Number two. We take Runningflame to the hospital.” The air was filled with a loud ‘Booo’. “Number three. Try and fix him ourselves!” There was a squeal and evil laugh from Spottedleaf and Cinderkit. “Number four. Fix him ourselves, and then go make pie!” This time the whole Clan screamed in hyperness and insane-ness. Bluestar lifted her glasses. “I’ll take thot os a yoss.” she meowed, over-doing her accent.
“So what now?” Patchpelt asked.
“Well, lets see, if the anvil was 198 pounds, moving at 2354665.0000076 mph, how much damage could that do to a 1 millimeters thick skull? Hmmmmm...…” Swiftkit calculated.
Suddenly a dish washing machine landed on top of Swiftkit.
“I’m okay!” he called, slightly muffled under the bone breaking weight of the dish washer. He crawled out from under, un-scratched.
“Lets go through Runningflame’s pockets!” someone shouted, probably Dustpaw. The Clan cheered. Longtail stepped forward and emptied his invisible pockets, by picking him up and shaking him upside down.
Out came, CoaC future plans,(which Forestpelt grabbed and flew away with.) a paperclip, a Nebraskan Huskers football card, a slice of yesterday’s cheesecake, and elephant, a flock of birds, a pencil, a few calculators, a computer, a math textbook, a napkin, a blue crayon, a candy cane, 4 wisdom teeth, 2 pennies, 5 quarters, a spoon, a few mothballs, a fake nose, a strand of hair, broccoli, a camera, a few jars of applesauce, a sock, Forestpelt’s lost video games,(which she also took...) a pickle, a few warriors books, a jug of stinky warm milk, a trombone, a construction worker, a toothbrush, the dinner table, Dr.Suess, a bundle of carrots, a tent, a rabbit, The Titanic, and a turtle.
By now Longtail’s arms were getting tired, so he switched with Mousefur, who kept on shaking Runningflame.
Out came, a pansy, a few computer games, a few unmatching shoes, a chocolate bar, a Subway sandwich, a car, 2 cans of paint, a baseball, a Christmas tree, another turtle, a roll of toilet paper, a toilet, a rotten apple core, peanut butter, an old lady, a pink jump rope, key chains, sugar cubes, a piano, a dog, a TV, a terd, a lawn mower, a blood cell, the letter P, an eyeball, a water faucet, moldy pizza, shoelace, spider, the moon, Casper the friendly Ghost, a ladder, a sizzled light bulb, a snail, an eye patch, a duck, a frozen turkey’s leg, where the sidewalk ends, a basket of butterflies, pencil shavings, some little kids lunch money, a flip flop, a green food coloring, a book of Latin, Pepsi, the Mona Lisa, his favorite brand of raisins, a used diaper, his diary, an electric guitar, a frog, a hippo’s left butt cheek, an esophagus of a penguin, a steering wheel, Michael Jackson, a pumpkin pie, a gorilla, and a pooper scooper.
Soon Mousefur got tired, so she switched with Lionheart. By now the Clan was getting a slight bit bored, although amazed at Runningflame.
Out came, a packet of orange seeds, mustard, a toilet plunger, a slip of phone numbers, a violin, the color ‘silver’, another hair, a cookie crumb, a cake recipe, magnetic stamps, a blue shiny cell phone, a picture of himself,(which Forestpelt snatched very quickly…) a fake moustache, a tree house, 3.71 grams of calcium, a helicopter, a baseball cap, a Chinese letter, a dead fish, another dead fish, another another dead fish, a gallon of dead minnows, wrapping paper, Larry the cucumber, level 6 of guitar hero, a candy wrapper, a pig, Nemo, a finger nail, a handful of grass, the lunar eclipse, the gulf of Mexico, a hippie, a light switch, aaaand,(gasp gasp gasp) aaaaand, Aaaaaaaand, a bucket of sludge.
The whole Clan was gaping at Runningflame. They gaped for about 5 minutes. Everything was silent, for 6 minutes 54 seconds, which is technically 7 minutes, which… *gets smacked by Graypaw*
“Weh. Uuuhh. ooove ah-ane!…” he growled through a gaping mouth. Fine fine…
After 7 minutes, they stopped gaping and Runningflame woke up.
“I don’t think I’m in Kansas anymore, Todo!” he squealed. Then he shook his head.
“Oh wait, never mind. I was in a swirly mood.” he sighed. After a short silence, Dappletail woke up and shouted,
“LETS GO MAKE PIE NOW!” And so all of ThunderClan rushed off to the pie factory, where they made hippo pie, out of the hippo butt cheeks that had fallen out of Runningflame’s pocket.
When the cats got home, they were all exhausted. Every single one of them. Not one of them could have been energetic still. At all. Except for Mousefur, of course! And Willowpelt. The two danced around in circles in Willowpelt’s tree.
They had the disco up, bowls up chips, drinks, and watermelon. (guess where that came from) There was also a flat screen TV, all the latest video games, Nintendo systems, ipods, and stereos. Best of all was the wireless computer, set in a corner.
“Wow, I see why you never come down!” Mousefur exclaimed while tap dancing horribly to rock music.
“I never get bored! ^^” she purred. But Mousefur was staring at the computer, with starry eyes. *_*
“Can I plaaay it?” she meowed slowly.
“Sure, just don’t go buying things we don’t have money for!” Willowpelt warned. Mousefur took out a few hundreds of hundred dollar bills and dashed toward the computer.
The first place she went was Wands and Worlds, (Forestpelt had told them it was the best place ever, so…) and got membership for everybody in camp. Except for Willowpelt, she already had an account. Then she went to eBay, where she purchased,
Flat screen TVs for all of the dens, king sized beds, computers, game boys, a 50 by 50 foot swimming pool for the warriors, soft comfy chairs, a roaring fireplace in the middle of camp, a roof for camp, walls for camp, and a bunch more stuff.
The stuff arrived 8.342353453570001 seconds later. But ThunderClan were so tired they wouldn’t wake up. So they set the roof and walls up, and the roaring fireplace. Soon camp was a warm, cozy, inside building. With trees, and grass, and bushes dotted here and there. Lots of dirt.
In the morning, One-eye woke up to joyous yelling. She suddenly understood what was going on and dove into the pool, which was now half way in, half way out of the warriors den.
“My aching bones… are… Gone!” she screamed. Suddenly fairy dust sprinkled around her as she rose into the sky. When she landed, gracefully in a patch of heather, she looked up with beautiful blue eyes and meowed,
“That was one biiiig fart!”
Soon everyone was sprawled around camp lazily. Firepaw wanted to go out of camp for a while. So he skipped out to wherever Yellowfang was waiting for him to capture her and caught a rabbit. Which immediately turned purple.
“H-h-h-hello, there, young’un.” Yellowfang croaked and coughed spazzishly.
“Hi Yellowfang! Wanna come back to camp with me and be our prisoner?”
“N-no, I just wanted-” but she was cut off.
“I’ll give ya this rabbit!” he coaxed, waving it in the air.
“Okay!” she meowed and ripped the rabbit apart. Part of the flying rabbit shreds happened to land in Firepaw’s drooling mouth, and he swallowed it.
“FIREPAW! What… do… we… have… Here…” Bluestar screeched. She came with her patrol into the clearing. “You…. Actually fed AN ENEMY CAT?! Oh hi Yellowfang! Come and be our prisoner!”
“Okay!” Yellowfang purred and they all square danced back to camp.
It smelled like sausage back at camp, and Sandpaw didn’t know why. Usually it smelled like horse poop. She was attracted to the elders den, where Patchpelt and Runningflame were arguing about genetics. Smallear and Halftail were frying sausage and bacon on Firepaw’s flaming tail. Firepaw looked on, wistfully at the pool about 10 feet away. Sandpaw chuckled to herself; Firepaw had been ordered to tend to the elders for a few days, because he had fed an enemy cat.
Yellowfang was on a patch of gnarly moss, nagging at her un-tended to tangled hair, It was so matted, it was like a rug. She fixed it into spikes and gobbled down a piece of fresh-kill ravenously.
Over where the queens are, Goldenflower and Brindleface were laughing so hard their heads popped off and came back on, and it kept going like that for a while.
“What are you laughing at?” Dustpaw droned.
“Absolutely nothing! :D” they screeched and drank a bunch of caffeine filled coffee.
Suddenly Bluestar and Lionheart padded through camp.
“Tigerclaw, Firepaw, Graypaw, Ravenpaw! Come ON! We’re going to the Moonstone!” Bluestar screamed, full force.
But before Firepaw could scream, “OKAY!” something else happened. Something was about to happen. In the middle of camp. So the cats gathered around a patch of dirt, and waited for what was going to happen.
Suddenly, a toad with a flaming butt and blue cape with white moons and stars on it. appeared.
“Magictop!” the cats screeched. Magicyop swirled around, to face the cats, making sure to show off his pretty cape. He glared strangely at the crowd, at the techno surroundings, and at the fact that he had been called, ‘Magictop’.
“YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO…. Uh… I forgot! -.- Oh yeah! You’re not supposed to mess around on eBay and buy stuff!” he croaked. He took out his laptop and pressed, ‘delete’, and all the things they had bought disappeared.
“That’s better…” he growled and poofed away in a cloud of brownish purple smoke. The surrounding cats looked on, wondering what just happened, not noticing any difference.
“Come on! We need to go to the MOONstone!” Bluestar called.
“OKAY!” Firepaw screamed. And so Firepaw, Graypaw, Ravenpaw, Tigerclaw, and Bluestar got some deathberries from Spottedleaf that they thought were traveling herbs and pranced out of camp.
“May pickiness go with you!” Runningflame called.
Bluestar padded with her group for a long time. It was very hot out, so Ravenpaw sucked up water from the river and spat it over everyone.
Why is this so boooooooring… Bluestar thought. Then a light bulb appeared above her head! But then it started to blow away.
“NOOOOO!” she shrieked. But then a mango fell on her nose.
“It’s raining mangos, my favorite!” Tigerclaw cheered. Everyone looked up just as mangos started pouring down.
“Run, under that tree!” Bluestar yowled. Firepaw, Graypaw, Ravenpaw, Tigerclaw, and Bluestar raced under. But Graypaw bonked his head on a Twoleg thing and fell to the ground. He tried to stand up, but fell again when a sausage hit him on the forehead, and he went out cold. It was now raining mangos, sausages, chip dip, and the occasional Wands and Worlds member.
The group under the tree watched as Lakestorm and Brambleflower plummeted into the river. Gingerleaf was sitting at a computer desk and playing on the computer, humming. Fruit Salad was screeching,
“Gaaaaaas! Bean dip gives you gaaaas!”
The cats watched in amusement until the raining slowly stopped.
“WE‘RE HERE!!” Bluestar’s screech sounded from the entrance of the Highstones. The apprentices gawked at the entrance until Tigerclaw smacked them.
“It smells like cats in there… I don’t wanna go…” Ravenpaw whined obnoxiously.
“Graypaw, Ravenpaw, you stay and guard the entrance. I remember the last time we forgot to do that…” Bluestar ordered.
Flashback: Evil penguins march toward Highstones, geese fly in circles above, dropping little white droplets everywhere. A dragon is smashing it’s tail on the ground angrily.
Bluestar shuddered. Bluestar, Firepaw, and Tigerclaw proceeded into the dark cave of certain doom. But Tigerclaw’s paws didn’t fit so he had to turn back.
Soon they got bored and sang holiday carols. Firepaw’s tail glowed like ember as they reached the Moonstone. They didn’t have to wait at all before it started flashing like a disco ball. Bluestar let out an evil laugh and suddenly fell asleep on the stone.
Bluestar raced out of the cave with Firepaw right behind her.
“There’s trouble at camp! We must get there immediately! But first we have to go to Barley’s house to we can get attacked by rats!!!!” She screeched. Everyone nodded briskly and raced toward an old Twoleg barn in the distance.
They were trudging past, when suddenly Barley stepped out of the bushes.
“Hi Bluestar!” he called. Bluestar raced forward, drooling rapidly and licked Barley on the forehead. Suddenly glasses formed on his eyes, and a backpack his back.
“Ello, Bluestah!” he meowed in delight. “Auh These ThundehClan cats?”
“Yes! These are some apprentices, and Tigerclaw, a warrior who’s going to try and kill me someday. ^__^”
“Neat! I gotta go now, alright? Bye Bluestah! I’ll be watching for those rats!” So the groups walked for a bit, until they heard scrabbling sounds.
“RATS! Oh StarClan, why didn’t they warn me?!” Bluestar screeched and started to cry. “StarClan hate me!” Rats flooded the clearing, biting the ThunderClan cats fiercely. Except for Firepaw. He was so mad anything he touched sizzled. All of a sudden Barley hopped out of the bushes and took out all the rats in one blow.
“Thanks Barley!” Firepaw meowed, gratefully. But Bluestar
Lay lifeless on the ground, beside them.
“Bluestar Noooooooooo!” They all yowled at the same time. Bluestar started to cough rapidly. Then she sprang up and licked Barley in the face.
“Thanks for saving us!” she yowled. Then she turned to the others.
“I lost a life. Come on! We neeeed to get to camp. I’m hungry!” So the travelers set off again as if nothing had happened.
When they got to the gorse tunnel, ( fancily decorated with streamers and banners, saying “ShadowClan, our camp is here!” ) they heard screeching from camp. Bluestar slowened her pace dramatically. The others raced ahead, and found ThunderClan in a heated battle. ShadowClan warriors raced around camp, screeching a war cry. Suddenly Bluestar caught up with them.
“It is just as StarClan didn’t tell me, camp is being attacked!” she yowled.
“Wow, that’s useful information!” yelled the elder Rosetail who was pawing at a warrior 3 times her size.
Graypaw leaped into the battle, landing on a tortoiseshell that was attacking the elders.
“Rawrawrawr! Awr Rawr!” he yowled. Then he saw Lionheart being attacked dreadfully, bleeding by the throat.
“Keep up the good work, Lionheart!” Graypaw cheered until he realized that Lionheart had fallen to the ground.
“No!” he yowled, pushing away the ShadowClan warrior.
In the background Blackfoot had pushed aside Rosetail, and Rosetail simple fell to the ground, dead. The queens hid in the nursery with the kits. Brackenkit played the organ dramatically. Runningflame was at a study desk, murmuring.
“There’s 15 cats attacking, and 20 cats defending, that gives us a 75% chance of winning. So the odds are that we will win.” Yellowfang waddled out of no where and swiped at Blackfoot. Blackfoot fell back, terrified.
“Retreat!” sang Brokenstar, and ShadowClan disapparated back to ShadowClan camp.
Lionheart was trying to dance to the music on his radio by scrabbling in the dust. The Clan gathered around him, wonderingly. Lionheart looked up at his fellow Clan mates one last time, and meowed,
“ROCK ON!” He winked at Spottedleaf and his head collapsed the ground, his tongue lolling out.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My mentor! My meeeeentor!” Graypaw yowled. Then he got up and sipped some apple juice happily. The Clan got back to their usual duties, and the elders buried Rosetail and Lionheart. But something, something was still terribly wrong.
Bluestar had left her special teddy bear at the moonstone!
It was shortly after the battle. Bluestar was sobbing on the ground, pounding her paws angrily. She shook with disappointment. Spottedleaf bent over her worriedly.
“It’s all right, Bluestar, today we’ll go and get another teddy bear.” she mewed soothingly.
“No! He was special! Special special!” Bluestar cried. Runningflame padded by.
“If you left it on the Moonstone where you fell asleep, and we send 2 warriors to fetch it, it should take exactly 2 days 3 hours to fetch it back.” he calculated. “That seems highly logical. Why don’t you send two warriors to get it?” Bluestar sniffed and looked up.
“T-two days is too long… Sniff… But okay. Runningflame, you and Sandyclaws can go.” she meowed. Runningflame nodded and walked away, humming the pi song. Bluestar farted and turned back into her den.
Later that day, the apprentices hung around the apprentices den, chatting about the magical wonders of hair ties. Firepaw and Graypaw played Warriors Sorry; this particular game had been going on for a few days.
“Hey, Graypaw we should make a turtles club! Turtle! Turtle!” Firepaw shrieked.
“Heyay good idea! I’ll be the deputeh!” Graypaw squealed. Firepaw and Graypaw ran away giggling like girls and throwing banana farts at everyone, to discuss their evil turtley plan…
“Zzzzzoom! Zoooooom!” Brackenkit yowled in front of the TV. Cinderkit rolled over lazily and glanced at Brackenkit.
“Toms and their Twoleg monster racing…” she rolled her eyes, stood up, and stretched. Cinderkit made a “O.o” face as all the tom warriors strolled in and glued their faces to the screen. Then she realized, she hadn’t visited Bluestar in a while! Gathering some fart beans, she left a note for Goldenflower and zoomed away. The leader’s den was a few paw steps from the nursery. But who cared? She slammed full speed into the matted twigs and grasses, and a metal vs. metal sound was heard throughout the world.
“Hey no fair Bluestar, your den is made of metal!” Cinderkit whined. Bluestar stepped out of her den. “Yes, and so are you! Didn’t you see the “metal vs. metal” part in the last paragraph?” Cinderkit slid off of the side of the den. “Oooh…. Sorry Bluestar!” she mewed and suddenly thought of an idea.
But her idea was blown away when a flash of light between Bluestar and Cinderkit made them jump back. A tiny brown tabby kit appeared out of no where.
“Hi I’m EAGLEkit!” the little kit screeched with bulging eyes. “I’m from the FUTURE! I’m from Lakestorm’s FANFICTION!” Cinderkit and Bluestar stared blankly at the newcomer.
“Hey, I know you!” Future Longtail yowled and bungee jumped over the small group. “You’re from the future!” he meowed. Eaglekit stared at Longtail blankly.
“Oh hi future LONGtail!” he screeched. “Remember when you helped me steal SHADOWclan KITS that were eating OUT DATED chocolate that expired last FEBRUARY?”
“Oh yeah that was fun! And Remember when the storm went over the lake and farted and flew to Mcdonalds and ordered a milkshake?” Longtail laughed. Eaglekit and Longtail shrieked with laughter and disappeared back to the future.
Cinderkit and Bluestar stared at each other blankly for a long time, until Runningflame and Sandyclaws fell from the sky and made a crater. Runningflame slowly stood up, holding the teddy bear in his mouth. Sandyclaws twitched a few times, but didn’t get up.
“TEDDY!!!!” Bluestar yowled and dove for her beloved, snatched it, and flew back into her den. The garage door on the entrance of the den shut immediately, leaving Bluestar to herself.
“FIREPAW WE’RE GOING TRAINING!” Bluestar screeched at Firepaw, who was sleeping in his den wearing a turtle mask. Firepaw blinked and slowly got up. “COME ON YOU ELDER!” Bluestar screamed and stomped the ground. But Firepaw did not want to go training. He had better things to do, so he locked Bluestar in the apprentices den and zoomed away to the elder’s den.
Dappletail and Patchpelt were glaring at each other, while all the other elders shouted, “Fight fight fight!” Finally the tension was too much for the old cats and they decided to go to Taco Bell and snap at the cashiers.
Firepaw was really bored now, so he decided to go out training with Bluestar. He put on his fire and laser absorbing fur and opened the door cautiously. Immediately there was a,
“MEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP!!!” And a glowing red Bluestar shot out and pummeled Firepaw to the ground, shooting lasers and fire out of her ears.
Then all of a sudden, a screech was heard, from the medicine cat den.
“Aww, I hate this part of the story…” Dustpaw hissed sadly.
As the Clan rushed to the den, Firepaw screeched in difopaksadpofdopness as he saw Spottedleaf dead on the ground. Her spirit growled at the ShadowClan warrior, Clawface, as he ran away with some kits with some other ShadowClan warriors. Then she went to torturize StarClan, forgetting about ThunderClan.
“Spottedleaf No I love you!” Firepaw yowled. Then his eyes turned red and he turned to the scent of ShadowClan.
And the whole time, while no one was looking. Yellowfang had a really loud coughing fit and left the camp.
Chapter 12 coming soon!